I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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