we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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