Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
