I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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