It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
