he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You pole danced in your parka.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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