there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
