capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
