So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
