It's Friday. Sex?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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