let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
