ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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