I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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