...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
