i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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