No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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