I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
