my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
