I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
