What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
