This is not my ceiling
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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