I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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