Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
