Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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