Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
