The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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