that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
