dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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