i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
