Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
