is your mom at the bar?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
