just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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