so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
