YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I need moral support for this bender
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.