My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.