hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.