go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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