does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
