wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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