somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
