lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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