when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
