Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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