I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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