I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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