love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
