I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
