i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
