one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
