I think my fart just growled at me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
