It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
