im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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