Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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