i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
