I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
