My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
