About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
