did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
