I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
