An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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