uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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