Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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