He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
