Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
